Scarred and Scared

Your 20s is the time when you feel so healthy and alive. You do not feel that you are vulnerable to any disease even though you binge on junk food, sleep late, sleep less, do lots of things without getting proper rest, and the list could go on and on and on. Put simply, it is the stage when you abuse your body, and you are just too busy to take care of it.

I welcomed my 20s with the will to live healthier, though. With all the things that has happened to our family, we are now more conscious to gravitate towards selecting healthier choices. But I will not get my hands clean here. I have my fair share of abusing my body, too. Talk about eating fast food / junk food on a regular basis because of its convenience, getting little (sometimes zero) sleep to get things done, taking on too much responsibilities, and finding yourself getting so stressed as the day goes by, hustling in the Manila traffic, over thinking, and a whole lot more destructive activities for the body.

I’m still at my 20s, and unlike anybody else who belong to the same age band I am in, I feel like I do not have that much energy to cope with life’s busyness. I always feel that I am perpetually tired. I will get a proper rest one day, then hustle too much again, until I deplete my energy bank. Again. I try to reset my system once in a while to adopt good habits, but along the way, I will get off the track, because life has to happen. There are a lot of hats I need to wear, and more often than not, I end up neglecting my own well-being.

I am a few weeks away from getting a year older, and as I welcome another year, I want to commit to myself in making this year a year of healthier choices and a happier me.

I have been scarred enough to know that I only have one body, and once it is damaged, it is harder to make it, or sometimes it cannot be made as functional as it was before. I am scared enough also to know that genetically speaking, I am more prone to certain diseases. And in spite of my genetic make-up, I still want to live worry-free. I have been more proactive in attending to myself. I am trying my best to eat healthier, to clock in longer hours of sleep, to manage stress, to pamper myself, to workout even for a few minutes, to practice yoga, to visit my doctor, to take things lightly, and to do things one step at a time. I also take my quiet time (praying and reading the Bible) seriously, because I find it very calming to my weary soul.

I may be forever scarred and scared due to some circumstances, but I truly believe that nothing is impossible when you remain faithful to Him who made you.

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